Dating Scene

12 Mar

I have been happily married for 10 years, but to be honest I feel like I enter the “dating scene” every 3 years. Why, you ask. To me, finding new friends every time we move has always made me feel like I am single and looking for the “perfect” partner.

I would say military spouses depend on their friends more strongly than civilian spouses. Wouldn’t you? Aren’t our friends kinda like our part-time spouse when he is deployed/TDY/training, etc? That person you can sit down with and feel a connection to without really saying a whole lot. The person you can always depend on to hear you vent when you just need to talk and not really receive feedback (we all know the smile and nod of any man). A partner to plan dinner with a couple of nights a week just to ensure you both have adequate adult interaction and proper meals for the children. Better yet, that person to run purchasing desires by just to make sure it is something we really “need.” (Then again, I’m pretty sure we all tell each other we deserve just about anything our heart desires) Military friends build a very special connection that an outsider would never really understand!

We depend on the dating scene to find and create necessary friendships we can lean on each time our husbands walk out the front door. However, at times I find the dating scene very challenging and often depressing. My husband says I’m too picky and I will never find a “Nicole” at each new duty station. I nod my head in agreement, but still secretly hope to find a clone somewhere on this base. Then again, I ask him if it really is a bad thing to be picky. I know the type of friends I need and I know the type of children I want around my kiddos.  For example, I need to surround myself with strong women (no pity parties please), creative women (take a difficult situation and create something manageable and possibly even positive), productive women (looks to better themselves by pursuing education or doing things to help them grow as a person), and as a Mom it is always nice to find friends who have children and who can relate to that part of my life.

I also feel being a parent makes the dating scene a thousand times harder! I’m not only trying to find the right friends for me, but I must also consider the children of those potential friends. My husband and I work very hard to raise our kiddos with what we feel are the best values, behavior, and love for life. There is nothing more challenging than having your children around other children who have major behavior problems, lack of rules and discipline, or simply were never taught to respect others. I feel I have enough to worry about when my husband is gone that I do not need to add the stress and challenge of re-parenting my kiddos.

In the end I always find new friends. Over the years I have learned how to navigate the dating scene during each new phase in my life (young working spouse, stay at home Mom, spouse overseas, Navy spouse in Army country). I hold my head up and continue to meet new people with the hope of finding new friends with the necessary qualities while at the same time different in their own way! I’m also very thankful for today’s technology and the ability to maintain friendships through the Internet and phone! I can still get my “Nicole” fix through a friendly text or long e-mail.

Am I wrong to be picky? I don’t think so. I believe it is okay to be picky, but looking for the perfect match is pointless since no one is ever really perfect!

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2 Responses to “Dating Scene”

  1. Kelly Larson, MBA May 4, 2011 at 8:20 am #

    ~Facebook Comment~ Kelly I LOVE this article! It reminds me so much of our relationship when I referred to you as my “girl-husband.” *tears*. I miss you! And you definitely filled my conversation void. I cherish those times and you for being genuine.

  2. Kelly Larson, MBA May 4, 2011 at 8:20 am #

    ~Facebook Comment~ Awesome entry, Kelly. I laughed out loud because you hit on some of the things we talked about at coffee the other day.

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